And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
