i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
