the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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