Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
