you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
