There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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