If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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