There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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