hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
So much rum. So many feels.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
