I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
