i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize