you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
tequila makes me forget i have legs
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
