Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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