My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
