Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
