Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
