I want to stick my p in your. b.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
