I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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