So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
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I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
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Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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