he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
