batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
