You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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