my being single is dangerous.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
