I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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