who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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