Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
