I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
