just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
