i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
