guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
