Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
