Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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