where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Randomize
