this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
