It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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