If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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