Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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