Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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