apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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