gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
