Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
