Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
