And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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