Just mADE A PArabola og urine
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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