I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Randomize
