Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
