Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
