It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
