Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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