I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
