You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
