Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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