If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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