Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
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i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
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I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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