Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
