So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
