First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
