I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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