Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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