I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
