well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
there is puke in my bra ... again
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
