doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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