I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
