There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
