You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Oh god it's open bar.
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