Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
