This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
