you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
